Saturday, August 31, 2013

it's definitely NOT 'just morning sickness'...

My name is Angel and I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. It's kind of like morning sickness on steroids and it can last the entire pregnancy in many women. I am 20 weeks 6 days pregnant today and my HG is still there. I am "lucky" because my HG is considered "moderate" meaning with all of the oral nausea medications I am able to keep down enough food/fluids that I do not require constant IV nutrition.. although personally I don't think ANY form of HG is anything but intense. When the meds aren't working the nausea is intense, it's the kind where you don't want to breathe and you don't want anyone around you to breathe. My sense of smell has never been so intense and when the nausea is bad I can't tolerate any smells. I've been in a store and had someone walk by who had recently smoked a cigarette and the moment that smell hits my nose (no one else can smell it by the way unless they walk up and purposely try to) I feel my whole world go upside down and all I can think about is vomiting. Same goes for perfume. Being in a warm room sets it off, so does loud noise. The truly strange thing is that when my nausea meds ARE working well I can eat and all I can think about is eating whatever I am craving (I am, after all, 5 months pregnant) and I still throw up some of what I ate most of the time but the nausea is such that it's not overwhelming and even though I feel it I'll still eat. That might not make much sense but after 5 months of nausea/vomiting you realize you still get hungry. At least I do.

I've talked to women who've had HG so bad they couldn't eat ANYTHING at all for months on end. I've also talked to some who were like me. I've even talked to some who almost died and even though they had given up everything because they so desperately wanted to have a baby (spent their life savings to do round after round of IVF), the HG has driven women to abort their child believe it or not. I'm so grateful that I haven't been THAT sick. There are women who literally are unable to get out of bed at all for months because they are so ill, not even to use the bathroom. Thank GOD I'm not one of those women.

Some days are tough.. and then there are some that are REALLY tough.. my afternoon and evening yesterday SUCKED. I was a wreck, crying hysterically, telling anyone who'd listen that I didn't think I could do this for one more day. I guess yesterday I hit a breaking point and they had made a VERY minor change to one of the nausea meds but apparently it was enough to offset the fine balance I'd had to that point. I lost it, I fell apart, I said those words that I think ALL mothers with hyperemesis say at some point.. "I don't want to be pregnant anymore". I didn't really mean that I don't want to be pregnant and I certainly did NOT mean I don't love my baby more than my own life, I just meant I couldn't take one more moment of the extreme nausea.. then I begged God for help. I begged like I've never begged before. I can't explain it but SOMEHOW I was able to get and keep one whole phenergan and one whole zofran down long enough for them to do their job. I still did some more throwing up last night after that but it wasn't the kind of nausea that makes you want to die and I could avoid going to urgent care or L&D for the IV stuff.

Today is MUCH better, I woke up every 2 hours all night as usual and kept track of when I needed to take my nausea meds and took them. I even turned on the light at 3am to dig them out of my purse and make sure I took the right ones (sorry Eric). I was able to get some sleep. Today I am optimistic again. I think I am allergic to being pregnant LOL but our son continues to grow strong and reminds me every now and then with a swift kick. Today I feel human again. I am discovering a whole new side to me

If you or someone you love has HG, please know that it is NOT 'just morning sickness', it is actually a whole different animal. There is a great website that can help,, and there is a book called "Beyond Morning Sickness" that is wonderful. It's important for women to know that HG exists and that if you DO have it there is help.

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